Does it cost you anything? - Timothy Keller

Think about it. If you love a person whose life is all put together and has no other needs, it costs you nothing. It's delightful.

There are probably four or five people like that where you live. You ought to find them and become their friend.

But if you ever try to love someone who has needs, someone who is in trouble or who is persecuted or emotionally wounded, it's going to cost you. You can't love them without taking a hit yourself. A transfer of some kind is required, so that somehow their troubles, their problems transfer to you.

There are a lot of wounded people out there. They are emotionally sinking, they're hurting, and they desperately need to be loved.

And when they are with you, you want to look at your watch and make a graceful exit, because listening to them with all their problems can be grueling.

It can be exhausting to be a friend to an emotionally damaged person. The only way they're going to start filling up emotionally is if somebody loves them, and the only way to love them is to let yourself be emotionally drained.
Some of your fullness is going to have to go into them, and you have to empty out, to some degree. If you hold on to your emotional comfort and simply avoid these people, they will sink. 

The only way to love them is through substitutionary sacrifice.....

All real, life-changing love is substitutionary sacrifice.....

    From King's Cross, by Timothy Keller, 
                                            Chapter 12, "The Ransom"